Why is love, work for some, blessing to others?

Proverbs 4:7 - Wisdom is the principal thing;
Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. Exalt her, and she I'll promote you; She will bring you honor, when you embrace her, She will place on your head an ornament of GRACE; A crown of glory she will deliver to you.

I have seen an interesting dichotomy in the body of Christ for many years now. It has always amazed me.​

Depending on what personality type we have and how we've been raised, I have seen this pattern, (love, being work to some, and a blessing to others) repeated over and over. While not a psychologist, I do notice patterns in behavior.

Since I was little, I have always been a why person. It would irritate my authorities at times, because sometimes my questions would be taken as disrespect. It was never in that spirit that I would ask questions, and seek answers to life's biggest questions.

First of all, let me preface that the greatest need of humanity is to love and be loved. We have all been made by Love Himself. God is love. It stands to reason that if we humans are made in His image, then we should be a reflection of His love? So why is life's biggest question still alluding so many? How do we attain a love that has promised to fulfill every hearts desire, and wipe away every tear?
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
Before any love can ever be given away, we need to first receive love.

1 John 4:10 - 11 In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1 John 4:7 - Beloved let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Vs. 8 - He who does not love does not know God, FOR GOD IS LOVE.

As a Christian now since 1977, I have seen so many hurt and wounded Christians who agree with these scriptures wholeheartedly, yet in reality it still alludes them?
I have read many books on the topic trying to answer my hearts quest, along with so many others. While not an expert on the topic, I feel it's time to start looking into finding solutions on how to make these scriptures a reality in our lives . I take God seriously. If He wants us to love like He loves, then obviously He has equipped us. We just have to receive the wisdom necessary to find out how? I believe anything that alludes us is because of a lack of wisdom, and a lack of maturity, or a combination of both.

Our Family Upbringing -

Our upbringing effects our definitions of love. Example, the making of special meals may be love to one family, whereas another family it may be the service of cleaning or providing, or all of the above. Some families may have been warm and affectionate, while others are more cool, but dedicated and loyal? Some families may communicate and talk more freely, while in others it's considered almost blasphemy! Some families are dysfunctional and broken with little to no reference points of love.
Our Personalities - 

It's been said by Christian author, Gary Chapman, that depending on our personalities, there are five different languages of love. Some are service oriented, so acts of service is love to them.
Some are gift oriented, so the giving and receiving of gifts is love. Some are words oriented, like me, so sharing heartfelt words is love. Some are touch oriented, so tender touch is love to them. Others are time oriented. To give of your time is love. Many of us are a combination of all of the above.

Why is this important know? -

We all give with the type of love that comes naturally to us. All we have to do is study how people give, and that is a reflection of their love language.

The Hard Part - 

We are all drawn to those that have different love languages and needs, which help fill in the gaps of what we are missing. Men and woman by nature speak totally different languages and have different needs. For example, love to a man can be honor and sex. Love to a woman can be time and affection.

How do We Ever Connect? -

How does the first command, to love the Lord with all our heart, and our neighbor as ourself, ever get accomplished with so many differences? If babies, who know nothing, can so easily give and receive love, why can't we adults?

Faith works by love and overcomes fear -
It takes time for babies to learn fear. It takes time for them to be hurt and learn to put up walls and barriers to the soft places of their hearts. Satan works hard at hurting people into shutting down their hearts. Drug, alcohol abuse, workaholism, and chronic depression, are some of the results of the pain of rejection, abandonment, and abuse, all coming from a lack of real love. It's easier for many to just numb the pain of lack in their lives, rather then dig a little deeper to find the wisdom they need to overcome roadblocks to real love.
The work of Love - 

Love was never meant to be a burden or heavy labor. I believe it's to be as natural as breathing. Part of the rhythms of life and grace in our lives. The work part of it is clearing out all the fears and blockages that have piled up from years of hurt and disappointments. It takes faith to face those fears, (in the power of the Holy Spirit), head on and love anyway. This type of overcoming is not for the immature or selfish person. This type of faith and love requires courage and vision. For the joy set before us, we endure the complexities of the friction that come from differing perspectives in those we love. In this process we see another part of the glorious image of God!
These differences are supposed to be a blessing and not a curse. It is supposed to stretch us beyond our comfort zones of routine, schedule and control, by helping us to be more spontaneous to opportunities that come our way to love each other.

So why is love, work to some, and blessings to others? -

I believe it's in how we perceive it? If transparency and intimacy from the heart strikes fear in some, while joy in others, we need to ask ourselves what we are really afraid of? What are we running from? What are we hiding? Let's get to the root of all fear and drive it out. Fear is a spirit. It's what governs in the kingdom of darkness. The spirit of fear is the biggest hindrance to the God kind of love. It must be dealt with, and turned from. Also, I believe that many refuse to do the work of confronting issues and allowing the Word to correct and teach them. This clears the way for deeper level love.

Prov. 27: 5 - Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.
Functional Love- 
Many in religious circles have been trained to do their external duty of love, such as, give to the poor, go to church, etc. I call this "functional" love. The functional part of love in a family is also important. Doing the laundry, cleaning house, paying the bills, going to work, is all part of us operating in functional love. We love our families, so we serve them in these important ways. We love our communities so we serve them in practical or functional ways. I believe however, that is only half the love we are to operate in.

God is our Example-

God functioned in getting Israel out of Egypt, feeding them manna, giving them water out of a rock, and performing many other miracles. He showed His love by the practical functions He provided for His people. He also showed Israel His love, by the words He spoke and promised them.

Why did only a few in Israel receive the fullness of God's love to them? -

It is said in scripture, that Israel knew the acts or actions of God, (functional love) but Moses knew God's ways, (intimate love). Moses had an intimate relationship with God. A face to face, heart to heart relationship. In every family, and in every church, we need to know both the functional aspects of love as well as intimate love! Without the balance of the two, we will not receive or understand the fullness of God's love. I believe many are missing it in their lives of love because of not understanding true heart to heart intimacy that comes from simply being In God's presence long enough to become like Him. Without this intimacy we will not be able to receive many of the promises God has for us. It takes faith to receive the promises, and faith only works by love.
Laws of Transmission- (Intimate Love)- The act of transmitting or sending something from one person to another.
Love is more absorbed through close contact and hearing the words of our Father from that closeness, then all the mental knowledge we could ever muster! It's so much higher then a bunch of do and don't rules we could ever prescribe to. The very bible we read, will either continue to be dead letter to us, without an intimate relationship with Jesus, or become Spirit and life to us? All depending on whether we choose to know and operate only in functional love, or intimate love as well. The story of Mary and Martha really highlight this point. See Luke 10: 39-42

Intimate Love drives out Fear-

1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love: but perfect (matured) love casts out fear, because fear involves torment, but he who fears has not been made perfect (mature) in love.
I believe the more we pursue love, the more we will become like Love Himself. That love is such a force that it will drive out any immature fears we may have assimilated along the road of life!

In Summary- 

We need both functional aspects of love, as well as intimate love, if we are to grow up spiritually, emotionally and physically. We will not be able to receive all the fullness God has for us until we learn both.

My prayer for my life and family as well as our church and the body of Christ is found in the book of Ephesians.

Eph. 4:13- 15 - till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect (mature) man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ. That we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the Head - Christ-